Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Celebrate the Life of an Iconoclast

Good afternoon, Reapcats and Corpsekittens. How is everyone today? Splendid I imagine. When you live fast and free, conscious of your own mortality and that of others, every day is a beautiful revelation, n'est ce pas? Anyway, your old pal Ian has a special treat for all you Reapkids out there, from Ripper to Gacy, to creepy overweight dork with Freddy Krueger gloves (you know who you are), this is for all of you that make society aware that predators belong at the top of the social foodchain. If they didn't then why the hell would they be predators. Sigh. May 21st is the birthday of an American icon and today, on Cinco de Mayo, a day synonymous with freedom and "partying down", I'm happy to announce that I'll be throwing none other than Jeffrey Dahmer a spectacular birthday bash at Le Couteau.

"But Ian," you say, "I can't afford to live up to the rigorous fashion standards of such an establishment and I certainly don't think my loser friends will make it past the bouncer!"

Worry not, my little chickadees, I shall be providing regular updates on Facebook (yes, I still use Facebook!) along with other surprises. You know old Ian, I'm full of surprises. People say I'm full of a lot of things but surprises is the only one I'll confess to. So, be at Le Couteau or be on Facebook at this group: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Murderland-Series/117105738318694

Join it. It's great. Until next time, ta, and be a better bogeyman, kids.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

This Week in Reap

Greetings Slashcats and Corpsekittens, Ian Sterling signing on. This week in Reap-preciation has had his ups-and-downs. Spirits are up, but body counts are down. Maybe it's just the weather, maybe pomps have been thinking harder now that Bundy season is upon us or maybe it's on accont of increased police activity on Safe Zone borders. Thank you to all of who have signed the petition for universal Safe Zones, but it seems politicians are still stuck en veinte and squirm at the prospect of actual liberty for Psychopomps. Safe Zone regs were a wonderful step, but only a first step. Arrests are rare and generally temporary, but they still serve to remind us that we do not live in an America where a man can be himself regardless of perfectly natural homicidal urges. I shan't go on about this for too long, but please, write to your congressman about Universal Safe Zones for Psychopomps.

As I said, however, there has been good news as well as the bad, especially for the Geins among us. Collectors have been fighting awhile for legal possession of the flesh of sacrifices and now that it's been resolved that they own it, new lines of custom skin masks will be ready as soon as next month. You might not be able to emulate the nipple shirt Godless Jack wore so resplendantly to last year's Bundy's, but this looks like it might be more of a step in the right direction. Mass production! No more E-Bay, no more direct trades, no more getting gouged by the occasional greedy collector looking to finance his embalming hobbies, just the flesh, just the way you like it!

Also, I'd like to thank the oft-underestimated "Have a Nice Day Killer" for an inspiring slaughter in the midst of efforts that have either run pedestrian or too intellectually lofty. We have seen girls choked to death on bible pages, we've seen old men decapitated, but seldom do we see provocative full scale disembowelings as efficient and gory as those of the Have a Nice Day. Good work, but try to go into the Safe Zone, write some letters, get caught, let us catch a glimpse of what might be a very pretty face. Gone is the day of the anonymous butcher! Give us some ink, my man! He might not stack the dusties miles high, but when he kills, he kills!

Lastly, the Contessa appeared on BLD Inside last night and she was looking fantastic! Of course, the interviewer brought up Cavanagh House and the rumors about wedding bells between her and longtime friend and confidante Godless Jack. Her response? "I wish!" So do we, darling, so do we! From her lovely onyx tiara to her custom crow feather angel wings to her chainmail stockings she looked good enough to eat...so definitely the girl for Jack! Still, the interview was not half so fascinating as the subject of it.

May next week see more intense Reap news and some headway on Universal Safe Zones! Until next week, Ian Sterling signing off!